Meditation a potential answer

 

As mentioned in my previous posts, I have been in a place where simply existing felt wrong. I had also noted that it was my parents, setting aside their own fury, gave me the intention to continue living. But it alone was not enough, Don't get me wrong, it was a major factor but it alone was not sufficient.

When I was not talking to them, when I was alone, My mind would constantly tell me me to end it all. If my mind was a person, our legal system would have jailed it for abetment of suicide. Even after I decided to live till my parent's death, still it tempted, asking why bother, you won't feel their pain.

The mind was unstable, it didnt give me strength to stand with my decision to not hurt my parents more than I already had. So I needed help, since I had already meditated in the past at an unrelated time, under the supervision of Sri Sri Ravishankar and other Gurus, I already knew how. I knew that it might help me calm my mind.

I did practice it intentionally and for a long time during the initial years and I do believe that it helped me calm my mind. It was a personal challenge to a meditate a little longer than than I had done previously. I even added a my own flavor of keeping an alarm and instructed myself to not do anything for that said period even if the building was collapsing. For a predetermined time, I would sit simply, let my thoughts flash, I would focus on my breathing, take long breaths which calms me down... Techniques advised by different gurus.

I do believe it did help me a lot in stabilizing my mind, By the time I got the strength to withstand the constant urges, the constant urges reduced, and slowly my practice again came to a halt.

As discussed in my previous post about guilt, Gurus are claiming that meditation is the key override guilt. To calm your mind and see yourself as a different person than the person who were before. So I have restarted my practice. While before I could sit upto ten minutes without doing anything, today I might have sat for one. The goal is to calm my mind from this guilt. to liberate it from the self punishment cycle, to stop craving death.

As mentioned in the previous post, at this point it is theoretical to me. I don't know whether it will actually work to liberate me but I don't see any reason why it shouldn't. It was a actionable step at my lowest which had helped me, maybe it is still a valid step.

So let us talk a bit about meditation. What is meditation?

The embedded video on the very top has a Buddhist monk Ven. Mahindasiri Thero defining meditation. It is a pretty good explanation, better clarity than the original scripture that Meditation or Dhyana is just part of yoga, which is done for a better well being of both the body and the mind.

Bhagavad Gita talks about few Yoga practices (not exact quotes, edited to suite my understanding) : 

• Karma Yoga : 
• Engage in selfless actions based on what is right, but don't expect the outcome to always be positive. The outcome is not in your control.
• You have a right to do what you believe is right, but you should not expect a pre-defined outcome from those actions. Don't consider yourself to be the cause and don't embrace inaction _Gita Chapter 2 verse 47
• People who restrain their senses from desire and engage the senses in working without attachment, are superior. _Gita Chapter 3 verse 7
• Bhakti yoga : 
• Engage in devotion to god. When the mind, restrained from material activities, becomes still by the practice of Yog, then the yogi is able to behold the soul through the purified mind, and he rejoices in the inner joy. _ Gita chapter 6 Verse 20
• Those who fix their minds on Me and always engage in My devotion with steadfast faith, I consider them to be the best yogis._ Gita Chapter 12 verse 2
• Always think of Me, be devoted to Me, worship Me, and offer obeisance to Me. Doing so, you will certainly come to Me. This is My pledge to you, for you are very dear to Me. _ Gita Chapter 18 verse 65
• Abandon all varieties of dharmas and simply surrender unto Me alone. I shall liberate you from all sinful reactions; do not fear. _ Gita Chapter 18 verse 66
• In this world, there is nothing as purifying as divine knowledge. One who has attained purity of mind through prolonged practice of Yog, receives such knowledge within the heart, in due course of time. _ Gita Chapter 4 verse 2
• Jnana Yoga :
• Engage in a path to gather knowledge/wisdom through deep self-introspection and self-enquiry.
• Whatever purpose is served by a small well of water is naturally served in all respects by a large lake. Similarly, one who realizes the Absolute Truth also fulfills the purpose of all the Vedas. _ Gita Chapter 2 verse 46
• when one discards all selfish desires and cravings of the senses that torment the mind, and becomes satisfied in the realization of the self, such a person is said to be transcendentally situated. _ Gita Chapter 2 verse 55
• When the mind, restrained by the practice of yoga, becomes still, and when, beholding the self by the self, one is satisfied in the self, that is the highest state. _ Gita chapter 6 verse 20.
• Dhyana Yoga : 
• Engage in meditation and control of the mind.
• To practice meditation, one should make an āsan (seat) in a sanctified place, by placing Kuśh grass, deer skin, and a cloth, one over the other. The āsan should be neither too high nor too low._ Gita Chapter 6 verse 11.
• the yogi should strive to purify the mind by focusing it in meditation with one pointed concentration, controlling all thoughts and activities. He must hold the body, neck, and head firmly in a straight line, and gaze at the tip of the nose, without allowing the eyes to wander._ Gita chapter 6 verse 12-13
• Thus, with a serene, fearless, and unwavering mind, and staunch in the vow of celibacy, the yogi should meditate, having self or god alone._ Gita chapter 6 verse 14
• For those who have conquered the mind, it is their friend. For those who have failed to do so, the mind works like an enemy. _ Gita chapter 6 verse 6
• Those who seek the state of Yog should reside in seclusion, constantly engaged in meditation with a controlled mind and body, getting rid of desires and possessions for enjoyment.

I personally don't believe in god, so I cant tell about Bhakti Yoga, but I do find some meaning in the rest of it in some level. 

I reflect on self and breath during my meditation practices. The goal is either to realize that thoughts are just that, let it come and go. I need not have any reaction to it. If I do introspect more, try to find what is caused that reaction. If you don't find an answer, that is fine, a constant exposure reduces your reaction, but if you do find an answer, it will be enlightening. 

For me, I have found ungrounded fear, guilt and uncertainty of the future was the reason for my reactions. 

An another way to meditate is by block your thoughts and stay in the present. You can divert your attention to anything that you hear and feel in the present. If you find your thoughts seeping in, bring it back to the present, focus on your breathing.

This is what I do when I say I meditate. I hope you will also try it if you find your mind restless.